It has always been an intriguing fact as to how conflicts can arise from simple things. In the video above, it illustrates a girlfriend and her boyfriend having a heated discussion which arises from a casual bed conversation.
The girlfriend started their discussion by asking how the boyfriend feels about his plan to go to the Comic Conference event the next day. The boyfriend replied with a sarcastic tone that he was excited because he would meet a lot of hot girls in the event. The girlfriend made a fuss over it which led into her eventually aggressively accusing the boyfriend of cheating. The boyfriend tried to defend himself but most of the words that he used were misunderstood and the girlfriend became more furious upon hearing those words. The story ended when the girlfriend having an emotional breakdown and admitting that she was the one having an affair.
The girlfriend had been acting ridiculous because she had a hard time telling her boyfriend that she had cheated on him. Here, the girlfriend has a low Emotional Quotient (EQ) shown by her lack of "Self Management" and the lack of "Social Awareness" (see table below). Her lack of "Self Management" prevents her from holding her emotions. While her lack of "Social Awareness" disables her to put herself in her boyfriend's shoes. Otherwise, she should be able to see that some buffer, not a fight, before telling that she had an affair is essential.
On the other hand, the boyfriend possesses high EQ. The high EQ was shown when he could manage his emotion even when his girlfriend was acting ridiculous (good "Self-Management"). And also, he could put himself in his girlfriend's shoes (good "Social Awareness") by asking "What is wrong? Do your friends tell you something?"
Please be aware that I am not sexist. I am currently in my 5th year in a relationship and I can ensure you that the girlfriend role in the video shown above can be played by either the man or the woman in a relationship. Unreasonable fights happen. The question is how we can handle it. What will you do if you are in the position of the girlfriend in the video?
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| Table: Fundamental Capabilities of Emotional Intelligence |
Hey Adi!
ReplyDeleteThe video is really hilarious and I was laughing throughout!! Hahaha.. I continued watching the series and I can conclude that the girlfriend is extremely psychotic! (Which is explicitly stated in the title) Haha. How did you chance upon this series, anyway?
Hmm.. If I was in the position of the girlfriend and do sense something is wrong, (PS: I am not psychotic.) I will follow the 5 domains of emotional intelligence and start by evaluating my emotions. I will ask myself if I am being paranoid. Why am I reacting this way? Am I jealous, angry or disappointed? This is the self-management aspect of the EQ model.
Next, I will manage my emotions by using my cognitive ability to reflect on the situation and analyze if I am over reacting. I will try to use my head to manage my feelings. I wouldn’t want to jump into conclusion and start demanding for answers (answers that I want to hear) from my boyfriend. Evidently from the clip, the girlfriend is unable to think logically due to the surge of emotions. Despite questioning her boyfriend for the truth, she just wants to hear the words that her emotions have convinced herself to believe. Hence, despite her boyfriend’s relentless explanations of his innocence, she ignores it. This depicts the girlfriend’s practise of selective listening. Choosing to listen what she believes to be true.
I will then motivate myself into doing the right thing through self-management; to bring up the issue to my boyfriend in a sensitive manner. I have to ensure that at that time, I am clear-minded and less affected by strong emotions of hurt/anger/disappointment.
While discussing the issue, I will try to have some self-direction and empathize with my boyfriend. Unlike the psychotic girlfriend, I will try to understand my boyfriend to see where he is coming from and if I overanalyzed the situation.
Lastly, as I love my boyfriend, it is important for us to work things out and manage our relationship. If he is guilty, we, as a couple, will evaluate if our relationship can be salvaged. If not, I’ll like to end the relationship on the account that we can still be good friends. However, if he is innocent, I will share with him my reasons of perhaps, over reacting. Such as my insecurities and again, as a couple, deal the root of the problem. And thus, we will bond and comprehend each other needs more, emerging from this dispute stronger as a couple.
Having EQ is important and we shouldn’t allow the lack of understanding of how to manage our emotions destroy a relationship. Every relationship, be it friendship, familial ties or a boyfriend, were formed because we have invested time and energy into it. Hence, letting our emotions get the better of us will do us no good at all.
Cheers,
Genevieve
Hey Adi,
ReplyDeleteI agree to Genevieve that the video is hilarious throughout. I do not know much about relationship, but I do know that most of the girls will feel paranoid when they feel something wrong with their boyfriends. Also, being sensitive, when girls feel paranoid, they sometimes listen selectively, and getting suspicious on every word their partners said. This is indeed not a good emotion management. Over-reacting without thinking in depth will severe the relationship. Of course, if I were in the position of the girlfriend, I would be getting mad as my partner said something wrong. To deal with the situation, the girlfriend must be calmed down first and deal with the root of all the problems slowly and effectively.
Hey Adi,
ReplyDeleteThe video of the pyschotic girl friend is indeed a good example to show the behavior of a low EQ person. I do share almost the same views as all of you. The girlfriend is indeed lack of self awareness and self managment. Every action has its consequences. By not listening and observing the non-verbal cues and feelings of the other party, this give may rise to more misunderstanding. Furthermore, her questions were mean and not specific where it confuses both party.
Basics of EQ needs to be taught to everyone. If one is expose to them, he or she would try to think before he or she acts. In that way, the girlfriend would able to ask relevant question to clarify her doubts.
I was wondering if all of you would agree upon the following: "EQ starts and maintain a relationship but does not make sure that it is forever"
Hey Adi
ReplyDeleteThe girl friend in first place is caught up in the trauma of having ditched her boy friend and turns out to go complete out of her sense in the process of revealing her wrong doing to her boy friend.As Sam said this example clearly portrays how a person with low EQ can bring about a disheartening situation and cause an unpleasant event in a happy relationship
The girl friend should have tried to remain very calm while trying to explain things to her boy friend instead of taunting him with unpleasant questions.